Angry Woman About Disgusting Boyfriend
From Todaycollegetour
(Female walks in angry)
Your gender really needs to take a long look in the mirror. (PAUSE while she lingers with an accusatory death stare.) – I’m going to regret having chosen that particular metaphor in a minute, but you get the point. For god sakes. I’m as kinky as the next girl. You know that – I’m no priss. I’ve been to the rodeo. But he, he’s a goddamn pig. I can’t believe I saw what I saw….
Right, so, yeah, I shouldn’t have been spying on him. Fine. Actually I regret it now… now that there’s no going back. (Pause) I told you about the web cams we set up around the apartment to “explore” with each other. Well I didn’t mention that we have one pointed into the bathroom…for shower scenes, whatever. Anyway, he’s a freak and I go along with it. I mean, I’ll own it, I CAN BE a freak. But, the difference is, he IS a freak. (PAUSE)
About 11am Wed. I come home from my job, from my REAL job, feeling nauseous. I come in the back door, he doesn’t know I’m there and I go straight to bed and tuck myself in. I can’t sleep so I’m surfing Facebook when I notice that we left all the cams on from the night before. All of them – I can see the entire apt. from my computer, in real time. I was going to ignore it. But, then I thought, it’s an unfiltered view into who he really is when nobody’s looking. I mean, I have a right to know who I might eventually marry. (Pause) Fucking pig. (Pause) He is phenomenal in bed – I will give him that. But, he sucks as a boyfriend. And now I know that he’s an animal. A creature who you would think would be more comfortable roaming the wilderness then enjoying the comforts of civilization…
So, it’s 11 and you can tell he just dragged his lazy ass out of bed – yes, he is supposedly working today. Over the next two hours, until just before 1pm, Cori managed to send 46 emails, made 10 phone calls, including the actual solicitation of a new customer, and had a borderline inappropriately intimate sounding call with some girl. He managed to intersperse his “work” with making and eating seven large chocolate pancakes, overloaded with chocolate chips, syrup, and bacon, brewing and drinking three cups of coffee out of a glass, and otherwise “getting ready” for the day.
To provide you with an accurate picture of the pace at which Cori lived during the hours that I observed him, consider this: He worked wearing only his dirty, torn disgusting, loose tighty-whitey underwear. While still on the phone with a customer, he walks to the bathroom, scratching an apparently permanently reddened area on his ass. And leaving the door ajar, he turns on the shower, drops his underwear, and then apparently, while still walking from the shower tap back to the toilet, he actually initiates defecation. During his stroll back to the toilet, he looks in the mirror at his ass. I don’t know what he was expecting to find. And then, without even sitting down, he’s barely even bent over - he takes a shit. I don’t pay you enough to describe the product of three cups of coffee and seven chocolate pancakes. Use your imagination if you wish. Inexplicably, he does not flush the toilet at this time, (or any other.) He only now ends his call with the client, claiming that he has another appointment to get to.
And then, although the toilette paper was in plain sight and easily within reach - and this part, I truly cannot understand, I mean I just can’t figure it out…anyway, he steps into the shower and wipes himself with his hand – digs away. Why would you do that? And if you were forced to do that, why would you emerge from the shower exactly 37 seconds later, barely wet? ….(Gathers herself) I wish I were done. It was like a train wreck - I couldn’t turn away.
Out of the shower now. Cori tiptoes naked toward my new couch, MY couch, while he drying his hands with a small, dirty hand-towel. And then, yep, for just shy of one minute, he proceeds to vigorously jack himself off. Although thoroughly disgusted by now, on so many levels, at least I understood the choice of the hand towel. He sprawls out on the couch and begins to doze off. That’s when I walked in - to check my couch for permanent damage. (Long Pause.) It wasn’t pretty.
How can I look at him the same way again? (LONG PAUSE) Are all men are like that when they’re alone? (Pauses waiting for a response…no response.) Jesus.
