High school sweetheart, having someone to live for
From Todaycollegetour
Ah, when to the heart’s of men was it ever less than a treason, to go with the drift of things, to yield with grace to reason, and bow and accept the end, of a love, or of a season?” Robert Frost. I always wondered what that meant – now I know - I’m going crazy Doc. The last time I saw her was in college. She was my H.S. sweetheart, the real thing, I mean, I knew it was the real thing. We got hot and heavy for a while after H.S., during college and…well, long story short, I ended up shipped off to war…I wrote her plenty, but never got mail out there. I would get the hometown paper sometimes though, about a month late usually. That’s when I saw it, she got married. I’m off flying copters, (Slaps hand on table), shot down, the whole ordeal. We never spoke after that. †I only saw her one time, with her baby girl. I couldn't...I walked the other way. That was two years ago. Damn rough years. Then, out of the Blue, I open my mailbox and pull out this letter last week, well here’s how it ends, you’ll get the point: (Reads) “Wherever you are, and whatever you are doing, I know now that you never could be out of my life. For better or for worse, we are connected, that’s a certainty. Though you have not been here with me, when I’ve needed you close, I’ve closed my eyes and tasted you in the soft breeze flowing through my window. I smile as it brushes against me like your gentle fingers running through my hair, leading me back into this world; cheek pressed into your bear stomach, arms along your sides, the sad washes away, if only a moment, That’s the closest to heaven I’ve found on earth.” PAUSES (holding back tears) (Happy) Then yesterday, she calls me up out of the blue. She got divorced. She starts explaining. I feel like I’m seventeen again – I’m so infatuated – I can’t wait to talk to her, for her to call, to see her. I didn’t know I could fall in love still. – be in love still She’s coming now – to visit. I haven’t seen her for, forever. If I ever get married, I’ve always said she’d be the one. Last night I dreamt I was taking a shower, the water fell down over me like any other shower in the last couple years, I was alone. I was fine, just like I have been, like I had been all day… I wiped the water from my eyes and turned around and there she was, stepping into the shower with me…she smiled so naturally… in a split second, I was almost immediately convinced that she had never left… her soft curves, hair getting wetter, matting down like it does…like it did - every detail exact…The scent of steam mixing with her skin, beads welling up, collecting on her shoulders…she was nonchalant, not even paying me that much attention… frozen moments in time…for just a moment when I saw her, I remember thinking to myself “the nightmare is over. Now it’s over, it’s over”…. It’s like a dream. A second chance at a life that was gone. Why now, years after I resigned to living it out alone, now she calls, now she’s coming? Don’t get me wrong, I’m thrilled. But I’m terrified. I all but gave up on myself after that, the first time. I had nothing left but an aching hole that grew into just nothing over time. I know what’s at risk now. That’s the difference. (Pause) Its been so long since I felt anything remotely like this - I completely forgot what I was missing – I forgot what it is like to live, to dream in colors you know, to wake up to have something, SOMEONE, to live for. I’m gonna get it right this time. This time I’m in it for good.
